BEDA #10: politics-- the PAP

Hi everyone! New music.

This song is really haunting, and I like their harmonies. Check out "Black and Blue" by the same band; it's really sexy.

As promised, today will not feature a pissy post. Should I talk politics? Is it a day to talk politics? YES. I think today will be politics, or rather, singaporean politics part #1, since the elections are coming up soon, though the date hasn't been announced yet. It is, however, soon enough for parties to introduce their candidates, and talk about their manifestos. Before I launch into rantrantrant mode, I think you'll need a crash course in local politics. Just briefly, because I still don't fully understand the system myself. #badcitizen

SO. You've probably heard that freedom of speech is extremely limited in singapore, and we live in an authoritarian state under quasi-democratic rule. This is true! To a certain extent. Regarding freedom of speech, singaporeans are quite lucky, compared to other asian countries. Unlike china, we obviously don't have google or youtube blocked. We are perfectly free to air our political views on the internet, without getting prosecuted. This unfortunately excludes crossing the threshold of race and religion; a famous example was in 2005, where local bloggers were charged in court for making racist comments on the internet.

While I don't agree with the government's legal stance on free speech, I appreciate the progress they've made in becoming more permissive in recent years. Arts programming-- theatre, film-- with lgbt themes is not being censored; though of course the publicity for a show does not, (does not feel the need to?) blatantly mention that it contains such themes. I'm also super appreciative of the fact that gay bars and lgbt support groups are permitted to function; though they still operate under much confidentiality.

I've digressed! Yes, we live in an authoritarian state. Yes, we are still under one-party rule (the PAP, People's Action Party) that has been governing singapore since its independence in 1965. The general consensus is that the PAP is rubbish, and this agreement permeates the middle class-- taxi drivers are known to complain about this-- and to a certain extent the highly-educated upper class. "To a certain extent" because some of the older generation of singaporeans still believe in the PAP's capability to govern, as they experienced the racial and gang-related violence that was rife in the 60s, as well as the PAP's firm, decisive action to ameliorate this. Think Rufus Scrimgeour and his popularity due to his pragmatic and swift-acting leadership. The PAP was kind of like that in the late 1960s.

In their favor, they've been very successful in attracting overseas investment, to the extent that the economy prospered in the late 80s and early 90s. The strict law and order imposed, as well as well-maintained infrastructure, helped make us a more ideal place for MNCs to settle down in. On the downside, singaporeans feel that we've been sacrificing too much in favor of economic progress, and this is why some of the hot-button issues at this year's general election are the rising cost of living, and the influx of foreigners.

I think I've set you up enough for today. I'll try to be more organised in tomorrow's post, and discuss about how the voting system works!

BEDA #9: a rant

Hello guys.

I have things to tell you about today! Though I don't know if that can be done, because I have lots of emails to send to the 9 universities I applied to (I don't know, is that a big number? I was worried. I applied to another two which required lots of jumping through hoops, and they've rejected me, so there's a lot of shit to be settled.) I'm considering applying to more, and I have to decide pretty soon, since their deadlines are in a few days. I'm just a little swamped by the stupid pile of admin work that I have to tie up, and that I've put myself in. #stressed

Because my mum keeps bugging me to apply to MORE universities, and she doesn't understand that the deadlines for the universities in the states are over, so I have to look for liberal arts universities anywhere else that will accept my sorry ass, but the thing is the liberal arts universities that are not in the US have names that she does not recognise, so she won't agree with the choices. Also I don't really want to start new applications, because each application asks so many fucking questions, that are not really the same and that I can't really copy-paste.

Thank goodness I only needed to write one personal statement and edit it for the rest of the universities. Each university has a RIDICULOUS form that I have to fill out and different things that they want, and it's so exhausting and frustrating to go through all this shit and photocopy so many different things and send it through the fucking POST early to make sure it gets there on time-- and they reject me. I had to do the most admin work for X and Y university, I spend $20 on a overseas bank transfer because they don't fucking accept credit cards for the registration fee, and they reject me when I don't send my transcript, even though I explained to them WELL BEFOREHAND that I wouldn't even receive my diploma by their deadline, and they say they want a recommendation letter in their format, but I can't do that.

It's probably a valuable lesson learnt, that I should

1. Read application instructions properly.

2. Adhere to all administrative/ housekeeping specifications very very carefully.

There were two funny things that happened today, though :D

1. I went to 7-eleven, at 10.30pm, looking for candy. With my indecisiveness, it takes me very long to buy anything. xD So after staring at the rack for ages, I finally found the cheapest chocolate bar, and went to the counter to pay for it. Queueing up behind me was this adorable filipino trans mtf sister whom you couldn't tell was male, until you heard her voice. The cashier guy had this strange expression on his face, as if he was trying not to laugh. After I paid for my candy, she was like: "Call me later, ok? *pats cashier's arm*" And the poor cashier was in such a tight spot. But the transguy was so feminine! He had boobs and everything, and amazing makeup... Anyway by this time I found it so funny, and I grinned at the cashier guy, and he grinned back.

2. On the bus home-- it was about 11.30pm then, I saw a guy reading Are We There Yet? by David Levithan, and I was thinking: "omg omg DAVID LEVITHAN I worshipped him when I was 14; he is amazing; I love that book" And what are the chances, right, that someone on the bus was reading that. I mean people read on the bus all the time, but their reading material is rarely that awesome. So I was thinking-- "should I tell him? Aw heck, the chances of me meeting him again are nil, and I'm going to get off at the next stop anyway."

So I said, "This is an awesome book!"

And he laughed.

I think I'll talk to people on the bus more. ^_^ Only at night, though, because day people tend to be busy/ asleep/ grumpy. xD

My apologies that you have to put up with this pissy post today. Tomorrow will be better and will have *actual* content! #promise

BEDA #8: My agenda for the week

Hello!

I've realised that lately my posts have been so excruciatingly girly. I'll try to make today's post more MANLY. *grunts*

"He's a lumberjack and I'm okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day

I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers

I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars"

Yesterday was more productive than today, because I went to the library and managed to plow through some of my readings! #yay

Today I woke up late, and didn't get much bio done. #nay

I'll have to get more math done over the weekend. Like, a lot of math that I haven't practiced in ages. So hopefully I can do that on sunday, because sunday is Study Day.

Saturday is Going Out Because I Can't Stand It In The House Anymore day, so I'm going to the mph book sale at the expo with my friend. I asked him to go dancing too, but he was the one who was complaining that it cost too much money... so WE'LL SEE. Just anything that will get me out of the house. It's because I have cabin fever! Kind of. The thing is, not being at school/ work means that I don't really have anyone to talk to except my family, and we don't really have much in common. ahaha that's a nice way to put it. My family is nice! Just in moderate doses. There's a flea market too, tomorrow, and I reaallly want to go shopping, but my wardrobe is complaining, so it would be wise to exercise prudence and not go this time.

And I realised that next week I'll be having dinner with other people too, so it won't be so stifling. Now you know my agenda, and my all the details of my sordid life!~~

What else do you want to know? Oh I'm learning Maybe I Will and Build Me Up, Buttercup-- the julia nunes version on the ukulele. Still quite amazed at how easy it is to learn how to play the uke. It's just fun, being able to play the songs I like. I'll probably move on to JB Dazen songs or something next. Or learn how to play the Amanda Palmer radiohead covers.

Right. I'm going to look for some HP Lovecraft to read, while it's still dark. ; )

See you tomorrow.

BEDA #7: queer studies books

hey BITCHES.

sorry. I'm in that kind of mood today. It's going to be the type-intermittently-record-whatever's-coming-out-of-nicole's-mouth kind of blog. Notice that I'm unapologetic!

Today I had a bio lesson, and did some time at the library, which was productive. I also found a bunch of Queer Studies literature, and it is so fascinating. Answers all my questions, really. The queer reference books are right next to the women's studies books, so I'll probably be spending a lot of time there. xD

I just prefer getting my questions answered in a more social science/ anthropology way, rather than an anecdotal way, because it's a culmination of past research. Also there are so many more perspectives, and professional ones to boot, about lgbt issues in the region. It's so interesting, finding out about what lgbt attitudes are like in asia, such as in India, Canada, and Taiwan, and comparing their perspectives with the ones I encounter. Asian perspectives are ones that I can relate to more, because they are more similar culturally. It's just refreshing to see something different from most narratives I've encountered on the internet, which mostly originate from North America/ UK.

The marriage books are shelved right under the queer books, by the way. xD So I'll probably be more able to synthesize my opinions after I've read them, and I'll be less vague and doubtful.

That's it for today.

Keep each other safe, and keep faith.

BEDA #6

eeek. I almost forgot to do today's BEDA.

Today won't be a long one, because I want to play diner dash. #honesty

Or maybe I'll just leave this tab open and type random thoughts intermittently. EH?

Also today I'm making a concerted effort to read blogs on the Ning, rather than just going though whatever's in Google Reader.

About marriage, I thought about it, then I realised that I was annoyed by the advertisements more because I didn't like someone telling me what to do with my personal life. I don't think my government should get involved in my personal life and who I choose to date or if I choose to date at all. I'm not sure though if this is a separate issue from the irritation that arises when I see friends' facebook statuses-- when they change it from "single" to "in a relationship". I don't know. It's such an impersonal way of telling everybody that you're dating so and so.

It also smacks of egoism, like saying: "hey everybody I have a BOYFRIEND, HEY LOOK AT ME I'M ATTACHED. HEY DID YOU KNOW I WAS ATTACHED? YEAH." Sometimes I feel like it's a validation of your person if you're in a relationship. : /

Not that I agree with this, but that's how it feels like on facebook. Oddly enough this only applies to people I don't talk to anymore. If I were in regular contact with the people who get hooked up, especially if both are friends of mine, I just feel so happy for them. #sap

For example, two couples I know were mutual friends beforehand, and when they got together I felt like the world was made of unicorns and rainbows, and they make me feel like I can believe in love again. #suchasap

okay, going to end this now, because I want to go to bed. xD good night my dears.

BEDA #5: Marriage advertisements are annoying. Part 1.

Hi guys.

I guess my BEDA posts are going to be like: “I think THIS of THIS” and not like “My day was awesome/ crappy.”

So y’all have to stay around and listen to ME on my soapbox :D

so. Relationships. This post is inspired by EveryoneIsGay.com: http://everyoneisgay.com/post/4339060926/how-do-you-know-when-its-time-to-let-a-relationship

It’s undoubtedly a personal issue, but I see no problem discussing it on the internet with the barrier of screens and keyboards and quasi-anonymity!

This issue has been bugging me of late. Bombarding me from all fronts, if you like. There are reminders everywhere: facebook statuses, friend’s partners, friends’ relationship woes. Even local radio stations don’t stop talking about LOVE and Marriage Convention 2011. (Which is a real thing actually, and there are all these het couples in the newspaper advertisements. I am sick of reading the local news and sick of listening to local radio not just because of the advertisements, but of the quality of broadcasts... but that’s for another blogpost.)

And to provide context, the Marriage Convention isn’t a “no to same-sex partnerships” thing, it’s organised by the singapore government as a “have more babies” thing.

The idea of same-sex civil unions hasn’t even fully entered the public consciousness yet; Section 377A of the penal code is still in place, which criminalizes sexual relations between two men.

I think it’s just demeaning that our society/ or government has decended to a point where our personal romantic relationships become the GOVERNMENT’S business. While the declining birth rate is an issue, it isn’t the *only* issue that political leaders have to deal with right now, nor is it the most pressing, in my opinion. At least, I don’t think it’s pressing to the extent that the government has to create its own dating agency.

Case in point: “The vision of the new SDN (Social Development Network) is to facilitate marriages and nurture a culture where singles view marriage as a top life goal.” Excuse me? MARRIAGE as a top life goal? I can’t even.

It’s not a big enough issue to feature in the upcoming elections, but it just irks me personally, and I’m not quite sure why. I did make a video about this 2 years ago, and it probably is a crappy one, but you can watch it! I have no idea what I said in it. It is also probably very ranty, because its duration is 6:39. I did do some editing though, and I look stupid, but. Enjoy:

Yeah, watch that, or not watch that, while I figure out why I get so annoyed. To be continued tomorrow!

In the meantime, you should check out Sanne’s BEDA :D http://booksandquills.blogspot.com/

BEDA #4: Makeup

eep.
I almost forgot today’s BEDA entry.
I don’t have anything in particular prepared for today, though. What should I talk about? Don’t worry, today’s entry won’t be as verbose as yesterday’s, obviously.

Hmm. Recently I’ve started my foray into MAKEUP. The dreaded thing that society imposes on young females. Though speaking of females, I think some guys could really do with proper skincare. Have you noticed the proportion of males with greasy faces vs the proportion of females?! It’s partly the fault of biology, but us women have shiny faces as well, and most of us *do* something about it.

Also if men are more prone to higher levels of oil production, shouldn’t they do more to prevent breakouts and the like? Actually using facial wash would be a start. Guys don’t like to get zits either. They could move on to a skincare routine-- men’s facial products are becoming more easily obtainable nowadays. There’s even guy concealer and guyliner. And those brows, people! Tame them, especially if you have a unibrow. (I’m starting to sound like Liane.)

I sound like I’m arguing that looking good is a public service-- that someone is doing it for the sake of other people. I do think that getting dressed up for formal events and looking presentable is a social requirement, especially if you’re doing it for work. (Incidentally, have you noticed that the grooming requirements are stricter for women then men? Women have to put their faces on and worry about their hair, and even their wardrobe combinations. Men just put on a shirt and pants, and run some gel through their hair. No need to worry if their outfits are suitably contemporary or if their makeup is running, or if their feet hurt from the heels. It is arguable that it is optional for women to put their faces on or wear heels, but at a networking session, first impressions are vital. A lady wearing a dated suit might be prematurely judged by a client for being out of touch with current trends. But a man who sports a traditional combover and is wearing an ill-fitting suit isn’t judged by the same standards. The combover might be a sign of seniority, or might signal that the person is better able to relate to senior executives.)

But on a regular basis, sometimes spending more time on one’s appearance might make one feel better. By pretending that you look good, even though you feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, can help you convince yourself that you don’t feel so bad.

Makeup is a contentious subject. Initially I boycotted it, like a feminist would burn bras. I felt that it was a socially imposed requirement, and refused to conform.

Until I discovered that makeup makes you look OLDER. xD
But really, sometimes makeup is like a mask that I put on to convince myself that I look better than I actually do. And in the case of prom, when I dressed up as amanda palmer, makeup was the mask for me to be someone else. Because I wasn’t myself, I could do whatever I wanted. It was a tool for me to act like I couldn’t normally, and gave me courage to um... wear minimal clothes in public and sport drawn-on eyebrows. YEAH.

So. Discussion questions.
Do you wear makeup? If yes, do you wear it all the time or some of the time? (I only wear it when I’m with friends. :P)
Do you think that makeup is a product of current societal ILLS? That it is a DECADENT LUXURY?
Do you think that guys should wear makeup?

fire away. :D


BEDA #3: Suckerpunch review

Suckerpunch was gorgeous. (and I'm talking about the art for the entire film, not just the girls.) While it lacked in characterization, it completely made up for it in the soundtrack and action scenes.

Going in, I was expecting more to Babydoll's story. From the trailer, it seemed that there could be so much written about her character, but the film didn't linger on her past. The opening scenes were subtle in the way they told the story, with minimal dialogue. Emily Browning's character doesn't even speak until she has to stand up to the cook to protect Rocket. This is a significant dramatic technique that contributes to her characterisation.

The opening scene also sets the tone for the rest of the movie in its severity and violence. Babydoll almost has to inflict violence on others in the same way that violence was inflicted on her to overcome her family's death. She has the worst things happen to her, and the only outlet to express these feelings is through her intense imagination. The change in colour and style of the movie-- from black and white in the opening sequence, to rich and opulent colours in the nightclub sequence, then to mostly dark colours for the fight sequences-- effectively convey the change in mood. The use of stark colours and grey uniforms in the mental institution, then the transition to brighter colours in Babydoll's imagination show that it is only in her imagination that the world becomes real to her. It is almost as if the characters around her have added dimension once Babydoll establishes them in her fantasy world of a glamorous nightclub.

In the film, it is also significant that no actual dancing is shown, despite the dancing being an integral plot point. Besides the practical concerns of having to teach the actors more dancing in addition to martial arts techniques, I think the director's intention was to make sure that the girls were not once shown in a negative light. That is, he did not want the girls in the film to show themselves in patronizing positions or to degrade themselves in any way.

I'm listening to the soundtrack at the moment just to jog my memory of the movie. I would compare it to Kick-Ass' soundtrack just because they're both filled with the kind of songs that pump you up. The kind of songs comprising both albums are slightly different: Suckerpunch's soundtrack has more "indie" rock musicians, and some remakes of popular songs; eg "Asleep" originally by The Smiths, and "Sweet Dreams".

Music is an integral theme in Suckerpunch. Babydoll can only enter her fantasy world if there's music playing. Whatever song that's playing during the battle scenes then becomes very evident to the viewer, because the song only begins when the "mission" begins. In obtaining the knife, Babydoll can't complete the quest as intended, because the wires supplying power to the radio get shorted out. In her therapy, Madam Gorski uses music to allow her patients to enter fictional worlds. It is also interesting to note that Emily Browning herself sings "Sweet Dreams" in the opening sequence, when she is allocated no dialogue at all. Babydoll is unable to express herself verbally, and her voice is only manifested in the song.It seems to be that the only way she is able to express herself following her mother's death is through actions- the most significant of which was the use of the gun to threaten her stepfather.

Another significant idea was the violence in the film. In my opinion, the violence was gratuitous to a slight extent. One function of the violence was to demonstrate the intensity of empowerment the girls felt at being finally in control of their lives, and having the ability to defeat enemies much larger and stronger than them. The figures they defeat are also noticeably male or asexual, save for the female dragon. These male figures might be symbols of their real-life abusers, such as Babydoll's stepfather and the manager of the mental institution.

The intensity of the violence is common to both the fantasy and real world. However, human deaths and blood are only present in real-world situations. Most of the characters who are defeated are non-living creatures: the giant samurai, the steampunk german soldiers, the robots. It might mean that the devils that the girls have to overcome are more figurative than literal, for example, Rocket and Sweet Pea have to gain willpower and trust before they are able to overcome their obstacles. But the blood that is prominently featured in real life only intensifies the impact of violence; it hurts so much more when Babydoll's sister dies, or when Blondie or Amber dies.

One might be able to argue that the characters would never have been able to make their escape in the end had they not undergone trials in the fantasy world. Besides the practical considerations of the tools they would need for the escape, the fights and battle scenes imbue in the girls a sense of resilience, trust and teamwork. Babydoll draws on this reserve of strength in real life when she stabs Blue in the shoulder.

However, I feel that some of the action scenes are excessive, perhaps to satisfy the expectations of the traditional film viewer. The special effects more than satisfy these expectations, but if less time were spent on these, more time could be spent on developing the characters. Most of the character development is visually demonstrated, and so much more depth could be added if the audience knew more of the character's backstories, or of their previous hardships. From the trailer, I expected a full fleshing-out of Babydoll's story of female empowerment in the 1960s. Or maybe that's just the feminist/ arthouse movie viewer in me talking.

I was glad that the other girls were not just given secondary roles in the film; their unique abilities were acknowledged as well, but only to a certain extent. Amber gets the role of piloting vehicles, and this is reflected in her aviator-inspired costume.

On hindsight, there is more visual significance in this film than I originally thought. But the duration did not allow for more fully- formed characters, which was the only disappointing part of this film. It is, overall, a real feast for the eyes in terms of special effects, and no effort was spared on the costumes as well. I'd like to cosplay them sometime. That would be fun. So YEAH, I'd recommend this film, go watch it, but watch the interviews with the actors/director and behind the scenes as well, because there is a lot more to the film than meets the eye.

BEDA #2

4.13pm

Hey guys.

I don't know why I do this to myself. -_-"

I've spent $3 on 30 min of internet just so that I can type out this blog post. There are places which charge $2 an hour and I'm sitting HERE. gosh I feel so stupid.

I was just worried that I wouldn't be able to make the 12mn deadline for tonight, so I decided to go to an internet cafe. Which are a dime a dozen here, by the way. You just have to know what the going rates are. and $6/h is just stupid.

Maybe I'll just eat less later.

Because I want to make the 12mn deadline? I don't know how to explain this. Last year I did some blogposts before the 12mn deadline and they counted as the next day. So I was pissed. But the thing is that I only get online at 11pm, or 10.30 at the earliest. I don't know what to type; my time is running out and I feel my money being steadily stolen from me.

Then I thought about doing all my blogposts the day in advance; does this make sense? eg I write another blog at 1am to night, so I don't have to do another one in the day time tomorrow, and so forth. So it would fit better with my schedule.

Okay, rant over. What should I talk about today?

Should I talk about LAN shops? I'm in a LAN shop. I think. Where the internet is fast enough and the computers have graphic cards sufficient to play LAN games. I haven't played a LAN game before, I think, which is probably why I don't understand the appeal of it. It was a popular pastime amongst my classmates, though. Which I find slightly hard to understand because LAN games cost money... well it does depend where you go to, where it's more affordable. And it makes sense when the computers are connected (okay you can tell I don't know how the hell this works) and you can play with your friends real-time. You have to be actually *good* at gaming for this to make any sense, which is probably why it doesn't make any sense for me. I won't decline an invitation, though. If anybody were to ask me. It's just that I wouldn't normally go on my own.

Money is also part of the reason why I spend so much time in libraries, because it's free entertainment. My counselor asked if I drank or smoked, as a coping mechanism, and I said no, because... it was expensive. A cigarette pack costs $12 here? or something, I haven't bought one myself. I should look out for the prices next time I go to a convenience store, though. And drinks tend to add up too. Not one drink, but to get properly drunk you need enough alcohol, and it adds up. It's depressing. "It's so depressing when people die in real life"

4.28pm

How much time do I have left? I have until 4.42. which is about 10 more minutes.

I also don't drink because I'm a freaking heath nut. Not outwardly, but as much of a health nut as you can be when you're vegetarian. I drink and I think of my liver. If I smoked I would have the image of a tar-filled lung in my mind. I don't want to have cancer. I've multiple family members who have suffered or are suffering from cancer. Heck, there are so many people I know who have died from cancer. Well it might be because people here don't die from gun violence that often. Cancer is another way to die. It's such an expensive way to go, though, because chemotherapy is so expensive, long-term care and hospital stay is expensive; you have to get live-in nurses or specialised carers if it's old people so that costs money too. Cancer is an exceedingly expensive way to die.

Dieing in your sleep, of course, costs nothing at all.

It's the same as being vegetarian. I look at my family members with high blood pressure and I get even more deterred from eating meat so I don't get clogged arteries from the saturated fat in meat. I think of the hormones that I would be consuming if I ate chicken or beef, and I don't want to have steroids messing with my bodily functions. Diabetes is a fucking expensive way to die. Kidney failure? Dialysis? Costs so much money and time and people are just making money while waiting for you to die. It depends on where you go to die, too-- there's an unnamed hospital here, connected to a nursing home, which gets all the elderly, terminally ill patients. They don't give continuous care or much attention, and they're expecting you to go anyway.

BEDA #1

Hey guys! This is my first BEDA post of 2011.
I'm doing this on my phone, while on the train. Yay for technology.
Gosh it's been so long since I've last blogged publicly, for an audience. I remember the first BEDA where maureen johnson personally put together our BEDA buddy groups. That was pretty awesome. It guaranteed that there would be someone commenting and reading our blogposts. I added a couple friends on the maureen johnson ning as well. We haven't kept in touch, though, me and my BEDA buddies. I'm not sure how it will work this year, but I'll make it a point to comment on more blogs. ^^

I'm not being very interesting so far, am I? Heh this will probably set the tone for the rest of the month. xD I have some backup posts ready for the days when I'm too busy to blog, so I hope I'll be able to make all 30 days. Last year I did a bunch of food posts on dailybooth, but good news for you guys-- you won't be seeing pictures of my lunch anymore.