BEDA #2

4.13pm

Hey guys.

I don't know why I do this to myself. -_-"

I've spent $3 on 30 min of internet just so that I can type out this blog post. There are places which charge $2 an hour and I'm sitting HERE. gosh I feel so stupid.

I was just worried that I wouldn't be able to make the 12mn deadline for tonight, so I decided to go to an internet cafe. Which are a dime a dozen here, by the way. You just have to know what the going rates are. and $6/h is just stupid.

Maybe I'll just eat less later.

Because I want to make the 12mn deadline? I don't know how to explain this. Last year I did some blogposts before the 12mn deadline and they counted as the next day. So I was pissed. But the thing is that I only get online at 11pm, or 10.30 at the earliest. I don't know what to type; my time is running out and I feel my money being steadily stolen from me.

Then I thought about doing all my blogposts the day in advance; does this make sense? eg I write another blog at 1am to night, so I don't have to do another one in the day time tomorrow, and so forth. So it would fit better with my schedule.

Okay, rant over. What should I talk about today?

Should I talk about LAN shops? I'm in a LAN shop. I think. Where the internet is fast enough and the computers have graphic cards sufficient to play LAN games. I haven't played a LAN game before, I think, which is probably why I don't understand the appeal of it. It was a popular pastime amongst my classmates, though. Which I find slightly hard to understand because LAN games cost money... well it does depend where you go to, where it's more affordable. And it makes sense when the computers are connected (okay you can tell I don't know how the hell this works) and you can play with your friends real-time. You have to be actually *good* at gaming for this to make any sense, which is probably why it doesn't make any sense for me. I won't decline an invitation, though. If anybody were to ask me. It's just that I wouldn't normally go on my own.

Money is also part of the reason why I spend so much time in libraries, because it's free entertainment. My counselor asked if I drank or smoked, as a coping mechanism, and I said no, because... it was expensive. A cigarette pack costs $12 here? or something, I haven't bought one myself. I should look out for the prices next time I go to a convenience store, though. And drinks tend to add up too. Not one drink, but to get properly drunk you need enough alcohol, and it adds up. It's depressing. "It's so depressing when people die in real life"

4.28pm

How much time do I have left? I have until 4.42. which is about 10 more minutes.

I also don't drink because I'm a freaking heath nut. Not outwardly, but as much of a health nut as you can be when you're vegetarian. I drink and I think of my liver. If I smoked I would have the image of a tar-filled lung in my mind. I don't want to have cancer. I've multiple family members who have suffered or are suffering from cancer. Heck, there are so many people I know who have died from cancer. Well it might be because people here don't die from gun violence that often. Cancer is another way to die. It's such an expensive way to go, though, because chemotherapy is so expensive, long-term care and hospital stay is expensive; you have to get live-in nurses or specialised carers if it's old people so that costs money too. Cancer is an exceedingly expensive way to die.

Dieing in your sleep, of course, costs nothing at all.

It's the same as being vegetarian. I look at my family members with high blood pressure and I get even more deterred from eating meat so I don't get clogged arteries from the saturated fat in meat. I think of the hormones that I would be consuming if I ate chicken or beef, and I don't want to have steroids messing with my bodily functions. Diabetes is a fucking expensive way to die. Kidney failure? Dialysis? Costs so much money and time and people are just making money while waiting for you to die. It depends on where you go to die, too-- there's an unnamed hospital here, connected to a nursing home, which gets all the elderly, terminally ill patients. They don't give continuous care or much attention, and they're expecting you to go anyway.