HELLO.
so I'm a little bit annoyed by the sexi. I just have a very personal thing about it because
why am I pressured to have sex even though I don't feel the need to?
I feel like I'm OLD why am i feeling this I don't need to be feeling this. Only kids in middle school feel this.
There are tumblrs (girl/girl, guy/guy, girl/guy) which talk about their respective partners and how they fuck with them and sleep in their beds and shit
And every time I read them I think "is there something wrong with me for not having sex?" I'm 19 and I haven't had sex. In Never Let Me Go (having just reread it it's at the top of my consciousness) they have sex all the time when they're 16-18. There are all these people on tumblr my age who have had sex. Apparently you're supposed to go to college and have all this sex in freshman year. Even at uni, sex seems to be a very common thing-- people feel each other up a lot at parties, and stay over with the intention to have sex, etc.
With some of the lgbt people I hang out with, they have even more sex, or rather they find occasion to talk about their recent "accomplishments" a lot. Granted, they might be more likely to do this amongst queer people because they can't talk about these things with heteronormative people. This makes me feel even more pansy for not having sex with ALL OF the girls.
I'm not annoyed at people who post about sex. I think it's an important thing to be able to openly discuss. It's great that there's an environment where there isn't a stigma about sex or that it's a mythical magical thing; it just IS. I like the sex-positive nature of tumblr, or at least of the blogs I follow. I like the intellectual environment that I am in which says that it's ok for me to have sex if I want to.
I don't exactly want more action either. Physical intimacy is something which means something to me, and while it is entirely possible, I don't want to just go making out with people in clubs and sleeping with them. I mean I like talking to people in clubs and dancing with them, and switching from partner to partner as I feel like, but I don't like making out from partner to partner. Sometimes in clubs there's the tendency to get felt up and there is a lot of room for unwanted advances, so to speak; there was one party I went to where a gross guy inserted himself between two girls dancing, one of which was me. There are so many instances where guys give you the ol' look over while they're talking to you...
(I'm trying to figure out where I stand on this issue, and whether my being bothered by all this talk of having sex is related to creeps approaching me in a sexual way.)
Part of the reason why I don't have sex or snog people at parties is because I hate it when guys approach me with the intention of doing so. (That doesn't really explain anything, does it? Reread the sentence. It merely excludes me/guy snog pairings.) To go further, I don't want to snog creepy guys because mostly they stink of beer, vomit, sweat, bad cologne or whatever, and I don't want to come away smelling like them. Also whenever this happens I feel like they zhan (wo de) pian yi, or they chi wo de doufu heh I don't know how to say it in english but basically it means I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick. They gain more happiness from feeling me up than the happiness that I am gaining. (Soon this will elapse into Kantian theory if I'm not careful.)
Additionally, I don't think you necessarily *need* to have sex to prove that you're properly into each other. Sometimes I like someone a lot and I don't feel like I need to have sex with him/her. I'm just okay with the way things are and I don't feel the need to go any further.
The penultimate reason! (for me at least) Is that sometimes it hurts. It hurts a lot when someone screws you over (pun unintended) and uses physical intimacy as a weapon or blackmail. It hurts when you get close to someone and you trust them and they betray your trust, or they don't want to listen. Like they're telling you the same things over again and what you say doesn't get through to them. I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable situation where sex can be used against me. Physical closeness means something to me, and it's painful when afterwards the person says, "I didn't mean anything by that. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not really interested in you, sorry." #baggage #Ishouldtellyou #RENT
So I suppose to some people, physical intimacy doesn't mean much to them as it does to me. Other people have sex in situations where they won't get themselves hurt emotionally. That's perfectly fine. Ah ha. That's why people on tumblr/ real life/ Never Let Me Go say the things they do. Other people's sex lives are none of my business, even though I am privy to it on the internet.
I've found it out! I have a few answers now. I feel the way I do because of past experiences I have, and maybe different value judgements. The issue isn't *altogether* settled but I have a better understanding of it now.
P.S. I have to say, when I tell/ ask my friends about it, they're like: "You have sex when you want to, not when everyone tells you to!" and a few years ago someone said, when I asked them what sex was like: "You'll know when you come to it in your own time." I don't think I appreciated the full gravity of those words at that time, but I do now.
so I'm a little bit annoyed by the sexi. I just have a very personal thing about it because
why am I pressured to have sex even though I don't feel the need to?
I feel like I'm OLD why am i feeling this I don't need to be feeling this. Only kids in middle school feel this.
There are tumblrs (girl/girl, guy/guy, girl/guy) which talk about their respective partners and how they fuck with them and sleep in their beds and shit
And every time I read them I think "is there something wrong with me for not having sex?" I'm 19 and I haven't had sex. In Never Let Me Go (having just reread it it's at the top of my consciousness) they have sex all the time when they're 16-18. There are all these people on tumblr my age who have had sex. Apparently you're supposed to go to college and have all this sex in freshman year. Even at uni, sex seems to be a very common thing-- people feel each other up a lot at parties, and stay over with the intention to have sex, etc.
With some of the lgbt people I hang out with, they have even more sex, or rather they find occasion to talk about their recent "accomplishments" a lot. Granted, they might be more likely to do this amongst queer people because they can't talk about these things with heteronormative people. This makes me feel even more pansy for not having sex with ALL OF the girls.
I'm not annoyed at people who post about sex. I think it's an important thing to be able to openly discuss. It's great that there's an environment where there isn't a stigma about sex or that it's a mythical magical thing; it just IS. I like the sex-positive nature of tumblr, or at least of the blogs I follow. I like the intellectual environment that I am in which says that it's ok for me to have sex if I want to.
I don't exactly want more action either. Physical intimacy is something which means something to me, and while it is entirely possible, I don't want to just go making out with people in clubs and sleeping with them. I mean I like talking to people in clubs and dancing with them, and switching from partner to partner as I feel like, but I don't like making out from partner to partner. Sometimes in clubs there's the tendency to get felt up and there is a lot of room for unwanted advances, so to speak; there was one party I went to where a gross guy inserted himself between two girls dancing, one of which was me. There are so many instances where guys give you the ol' look over while they're talking to you...
(I'm trying to figure out where I stand on this issue, and whether my being bothered by all this talk of having sex is related to creeps approaching me in a sexual way.)
Part of the reason why I don't have sex or snog people at parties is because I hate it when guys approach me with the intention of doing so. (That doesn't really explain anything, does it? Reread the sentence. It merely excludes me/guy snog pairings.) To go further, I don't want to snog creepy guys because mostly they stink of beer, vomit, sweat, bad cologne or whatever, and I don't want to come away smelling like them. Also whenever this happens I feel like they zhan (wo de) pian yi, or they chi wo de doufu heh I don't know how to say it in english but basically it means I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick. They gain more happiness from feeling me up than the happiness that I am gaining. (Soon this will elapse into Kantian theory if I'm not careful.)
Additionally, I don't think you necessarily *need* to have sex to prove that you're properly into each other. Sometimes I like someone a lot and I don't feel like I need to have sex with him/her. I'm just okay with the way things are and I don't feel the need to go any further.
The penultimate reason! (for me at least) Is that sometimes it hurts. It hurts a lot when someone screws you over (pun unintended) and uses physical intimacy as a weapon or blackmail. It hurts when you get close to someone and you trust them and they betray your trust, or they don't want to listen. Like they're telling you the same things over again and what you say doesn't get through to them. I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable situation where sex can be used against me. Physical closeness means something to me, and it's painful when afterwards the person says, "I didn't mean anything by that. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not really interested in you, sorry." #baggage #Ishouldtellyou #RENT
So I suppose to some people, physical intimacy doesn't mean much to them as it does to me. Other people have sex in situations where they won't get themselves hurt emotionally. That's perfectly fine. Ah ha. That's why people on tumblr/ real life/ Never Let Me Go say the things they do. Other people's sex lives are none of my business, even though I am privy to it on the internet.
I've found it out! I have a few answers now. I feel the way I do because of past experiences I have, and maybe different value judgements. The issue isn't *altogether* settled but I have a better understanding of it now.
P.S. I have to say, when I tell/ ask my friends about it, they're like: "You have sex when you want to, not when everyone tells you to!" and a few years ago someone said, when I asked them what sex was like: "You'll know when you come to it in your own time." I don't think I appreciated the full gravity of those words at that time, but I do now.
