Since, you know, this is Blog Every Day, I'm going to tell you what happened today.
I just got rejected from a uni that I applied to again. I don't think I'll be hearing any good news from the ones I sent my current results to. I didn't even apply to local unis because I'm 100% sure that I can't get into any of them.
So now you know. Shit hits the wall.
I don't know; this only adds fuel to the idea that I'm not cut out for uni, and it's something that I've been thinking about for quite some time now. My mum thinks my counselor told me that, but ironically my counselor would like me to go to a recognised university. I don't know.
I mean, if I could, I'd like to get an MFA in Film. It would be nice. I don't know if I'm attracted more to the "masters" title, or the fact that I'll be learning Film. It's just a thing. I know more about anthropology than about film, which says something. I don't know what it says. Sometimes I'm afraid of hoping or wanting something too much that I become extra disappointed when I don't get it. I don't really want to get into it.
It's not like I'm not being stressed out by the fact that I'm retaking my Alevels-- I'm just surprised at myself actually that I'm doing work, and I feel happy after completing work. Sometimes having something to occupy myself with makes me very satisfied. Of course it's stressful trying to complete an entirely different syllabus. But it's not like I have a choice. I don't know. Choice B would have been to go back to school, and I can't do that. I just can't. It's horrible. I hate school. The last few years were hard enough, and I don't want to do that again.
My mum says that I have to get into university by merit, and she doesn't want me to get into a lousy university overseas just because she can afford it. And I was thinking about this. She keeps saying this wouldn't have happened if I had just studied. Sometimes I think that too, but it's not as simple. I think I knew towards the end that I wouldn't do well for the Alevels. Everything, especially Chem and Math, was becoming too overwhelming, and there were too many things that I didn't know. I tried to memorise the answers. I studied with a sense of futility. I hated being in school, because it was horrible.
I don't know. I really should come up with a list of blog topics so that the last few days of BEDA won't be so depressing.
Could I talk politics? Voting day is may 7th, so that should be interesting. Nomination day is april 27th. People are scared that their votes would be tracked because you put your IC number, and that if they work in the civil service, they won't get promoted, because the government knows that they didn't vote for the PAP. I'd like to believe in the power of democracy, and that this is merely a conspiracy theory. Pragmatically speaking, I don't think the government would go to such lengths to make the life of a lowly civil servant miserable, especially if said civil servant doesn't wield much political power. It would also be an administrative nightmare to track down every single person who *didn't* vote for the PAP and figure out if they were working in the government or not.
I've gone on for long enough, haven't I? (I usually just check in Pages to see if I've hit 500 words or not. :P)
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