BEDA #2: modeling for a hairstyling course.

Hello guys. 

um. Today's BEDA comes to you late because I *actually* left the house today. Did a 7 hour stint as a hair model. I think they hate me because I have so much dandruff, but they don't say anything. Or is it the hairspray that they put on my hair? It wasn't as painful as the last time, so that was good. 

I was a model for a lesson in a course on Asian Bridal Hairstyling, and "asian" in england means indian/sri lankan/ pakistani. I was the earliest to arrive, so they did stuff on me first; this barrel curl updo and then they put a tiara in it so I looked like I was having my bloody quinceanera.  I really hate tiaras in my hair, or any kind of femme, princessy updo. It's just awful for me. The whole time I'm trying to keep a calm face, and everyone else in the room was like, "wow, this is so pretty, it's so gorgeous" etc and I couldn't bear it. 

My scalp didn't hurt very much today, actually, which was good. 

I'm trying to figure out why getting my hair done feels so unpleasant for me, psychologically. I hate tiaras because I don't like an identity being forced onto me, when I very vehemently disagree with this identity. A tiara, to me, symbolises that I'm cooperative and docile, and I ascribe to this whole beauty pageant queen mentality. I don't like it when people say, "oh, other people will think you are so pretty!" But I don't think a tiara makes me look pretty. I think it makes me look like an asshat. I feel like I'm being pushed into this "girls must be meeker than boys" mould, and that the Goal of My Life is to look for a husband. Having someone else do my hair in a really feminine way also feels, metaphorically, like Society and Tradition forcing heterosexuality onto me, which I feel uncomfortable with.

The whole day I had to sit in a room with other women talking about their marriages, how they cried at their wedding, about their husbands. One of them talked about how her husband wouldn't let her wear revealing clothing, and didn't trust her to be able to make her own way home after he dropped her off. It was killing me. They said they cried at their weddings because they "weren't going to live with their parents anymore". Like, hello, I'm not living with my parents right now, and will probably not be doing so for the next 3 years; am I married?! Of course I'm still financially dependent on my parents, but in some cases when they get married, the wife is financially dependent on their husband. Which I don't think makes any difference.

After today I'm convinced that I'm never going to get married, at least in the traditional way. haha well not the indian way, but there's the chinese way, which is just as bad. Especially as a social anthropology student, I can't help but see all marriages in kinship terms, and viewing them as social transactions. My maternal grandmother still talks about my mum and dad's marriage being something of a transaction? The two families have to be of roughly equal social standing, and the husband must be from a "good" family, and my paternal grandmother doesn't like it when the fiancee is a divorcee and has kids, or is of a different race. But my aunts and uncles still went on with their respective spouses anyway.

It was interesting learning about the different processes of the indian bridal ceremony, though. I learnt the names of the hairpieces, and that there were varying kinds of shawls/ veils that one could chose to wear. Then there was the complicated business of wearing a sari and dressing the bride. There are variations, depending on whether you were gujarati, punjabi, or another ethnicity. They dressed up another model all nicely, with the sari and the shawl, and someone said they were going to cry. To be honest, when she was all dressed up, it looked very pretty, and the shawl is really intricate, with all kinds of beading, and it was all sparkly. 

I kind of get how the arduous process of getting made up-- it takes 3-4 hours to get henna done, say 1 hour for hair, another 30min for makeup-- builds up to the actual wedding. So by the time the vows are said, you're already in a very emotionally vulnerable state, and you've been thinking about the significance of this day for the past 6 hours. (It's also hard to walk and go to the bathroom because of the bloody sari, so I guess you must feel pissed. pun intended.) It's very complicated; there's the registry, then the ceremony, then the reception I think, all of which involve different makeup styles. The amount of partying and effort spent in planning also emphasizes that this is supposed to be a "turning point" in a girl's life. The sharing of experiences during today's lesson, too, felt like the whole process of getting married helps to form a common bond between members of a cultural group.

[/random: there was this cute waitress at the restaurant just now who looked like lauren lopez, only with short hair, and I couldn't stop staring at her ;__; it's just one of those days when I'm feeling really gay and I need to wear a sports bra and a button-up shirt and make out with a girl super obnoxiously, just to counteract the femme-ness of today.]

words written for essay: 0 (BUT I did wake up at 5 today to get a reading done, and then I brought another reading to the salon to do while waiting. And slept in the chair. Also it's annoying how this blogpost is almost 1000 words, but it's so much harder to write 1000 words of anthropology. xD)