BEDA #20: luck.

hello! 

Kayley's post is the inspiration for today's post.

She hates it when people call her "lucky" when she gets to be in london, travel, and have friends, because she doesn't think it's true. Read it if you can; makes this post I'm writing a bit more relevant.

Now I will proceed to apply this with regards to my life!!!1

AM I LUCKY?

1. School. 

It's part luck and part work. I still consider myself lucky because the uni I'm in was the only one to accept me through clearing. What is clearing, you may ask. WELL. Clearing is what you get put into when all the schools that you apply through UCAS (the UK application system) don't accept you. I had I think 3 conditional offers but my results didn't meet the conditions. So you're put in clearing. What you do in clearing is that you call different universities, or email them, tell them your A level grades, and panic a lot. I tried contacting a few universities, but they said my results were too low. The uni that I'm in right now was the only one which said yes. In that sense I think I'm very lucky to have a place at all, and I'm really grateful for it.

The hard work part was retaking my A levels after I failed them the first time round. That took a lot of hard work and swallowing of pride on my part. I don't think I would have gotten into my uni had I not retaken my A levels. Because before that I had no passes~ and after retaking I had 3 passes~ so yeah. But it was just a few months' hard work I think, march/ april/ may. 

2. London.

It's not completely of my own hard work that I'm able to go to school in london; it's because my mum was willing to pay for me to go to school here. So yes, I still consider myself lucky to have parents who have money, and who save a lot. Also my paternal grandparents who save a lot. I think, unlike Kayley, "lucky" is a very appropriate word to use in this situation. Oh right! The fact that I had a scholarship for 6 years in a government school helped too. 

(I'm just looking this up, and whoa. It's a lot of money man. One of the few times that I like my government. Things to be grateful for, and which are easy to overlook.)

Even after I got accepted, I still felt that I should be very grateful for getting a place, and that I did not deserve it at all; it was mostly due to luck. The flight that I took in september to come to london was the most miserable, hellish 13 hours of my life. The two people sitting next to me were alumni from my high school who were going to law school in singapore, and would not stop talking pretentiously throughout the entire flight. The whole flight I felt guilty for going to london, and felt guilty for having money to be able to go. I was constantly reminded of the other people who deserved this opportunity more than I did, and how I somehow "cheated" my way to uni here, or cheated my way to uni at all. I could barely get into universities in singapore with the grades I had. I also felt guilty because I had the money, yet I put it towards studying a useless major. "Luck" and privilege plays a big part as to why I'm here. 

3. Travelling. 

Well I guess this isn't luck, because I legitimately worked and saved up to be able to travel. I agree with Kayley at this point, when people tell her, "oh you're so lucky to be able to go to this place". She says that it's not luck, it's hard work. Once someone said that I was lucky to be able to go to leakycon last year, and I felt odd. I know they don't mean it, but it felt like it was negating the 3 years that I had waited and saved up, with deliberation, to be able to go. It made it seem like the sacrifices I'd made to put money away did not exist at all. I like to think that being able to go was a result of my patience and hard work. 

Some people I know who don't live in the US aren't going again this year, which makes me think about my decision to go. I'm definitely going, but it makes me consider if I should still go next year, 2013. I'll talk about this in another post! This is getting too long.