There are some people whom I don't like because I'm jealous of them, which is a really bad thing to feel, right? You're not supposed to be jealous of people but you are. So I stop following them on social media for a bit. Happens to real people too. That's why I'm so bad at making friends. Or rather, staying friends with people. Because I don't know when it is appropriate to say, "hey, want to hang out?" without seeming clingy or weird. I should just suck it and ask them. Now I remember feeling like this when I would text darran or sarah, but I did it anyway and hid my phone from sight.
I miss 2007. haha suddenly I'm thinking about "imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia". WrockFans on twitter asked us about how we found out about wrock, and I got introduced to it by spinnerscast, a harry potter podcast, in january 2008. Those were the days. I feel so old now. Before that I started listening to mugglecast, I think in 2005. It would take ages for me download their hour-long podcasts onto my mp3 player, and I'd listen to them as I went to sleep and laugh at micah's goats and at their in-jokes. I didn't know *anyone* who listened to mugglecast.
I just miss it a lot, and looking at spinnerscast's old website, where they're talking about Pheonix Rising, and theorizing about DH-- it makes me wistful. And I thought by moving to another, more "western" country would change all that. Which is what I thought at 15. I thought it would be easier to find people who were into the same things as I was interested in, and I could have that shared fan experience. THIS IS BECOMING A PITY PARTY SO FAST
It was raining today. I did my laundry today. It stank. Before I did it, though. Now I've done it! and there's another load that needs to be doing, but can't be done until the current load is dry. Also I need to do the dishes. Tomorrow.
Just booked a hostel for chicago. ERK summer plans they make me nervous. Because this means I'm COMMITTING to something. Everything makes me nervous. I don't know how to be an adult.
Just booked a hostel for chicago. ERK summer plans they make me nervous. Because this means I'm COMMITTING to something. Everything makes me nervous. I don't know how to be an adult.
People notice that I'm quiet. A friend asked me a while ago if there was something wrong with me, or if I was "just quiet". I didn't take offense at all, it has just made me think. My mum warned me about this, though. When I was 11. She said that people will think something is wrong with you if you don't talk. or something to that effect. I don't think I'll be properly adult if I don't get over my quietness. I don't know how. I mean it's not stopping me business-wise; I can work, get paid. With this life modeling thing I have to negotiate fees even. I can talk to people professionally in "work mode", but I'm quiet in "social mode". I don't know how to get over it. I've been trying to for, quite honestly, my whole life. It's improved once I've gotten experience in talking to different people who weren't from school.
It's late. I'm sleepy. Not going to bother finishing my train of thought. night, sleep tight. keep safe.
Sometimes it's not good to force things and I think this applies to forcing yourself to speak. It's something that comes naturally to say it with Ms. Gomez her words. You should talk when you feel comfortable and that amount of comfortable varies from person to person.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness nicolas I'm looking through old comments and I see this.
Deleteyou are amazing, thanks for commenting on so many of my posts :)