BEDA #6

Right now felicia's on the floor, sleeping, and I'm on the double bed. (haha not felicia day, nicolas, alas.)

She's cold. Well I guess she's not used to it, because she keeps her room in her uni at 25C, and we haven't got the boiler on, only my electric heater. She declined the offer to sleep on the bed, and she's now on my floor. I have a bad feeling that she doesn't want to sleep on the double bed with me because I've mentioned the lgbt society thing. Ah well. But then again when darran (straight, and as man~ as they come) visited, I went on the floor and he was on the bed, so the same applies.

There's something weirdly therapeutic about sleeping in a room with someone else. Listening to their breathing as they sleep. Sleep breathing sounds different from awake breathing. It just feels very calming. I used to share a room with my sister and would sleep next to her, and would listen to her sleep. Maybe just knowing that someone is in the room with you is calming, for me. Perhaps it's because I don't do it so often, but I like sleeping with someone in the same room. Like that time I stayed over at Edwin's house a few weeks ago. The feeling of being calm and having everything right in the world is nice. Then there's the feeling of waking up, knowing that a friend is there and that everything is going to be alright.

==I'm looking at the clock and it's now 11:35 and it's funny because I'm always rushing my BEDAs, or I do them late. ==

It's depends on how well you know the person/ how familiar you are with them, I guess. Because when I have a roommate that I don't really know that well, it's not the same. With chloe and me, though, it was kind of understood that we'd sleep in the same bed. Probably because the first day I met her I shared a bed with her. xD Things that are funny. I'm not "with" her/ dating her anymore, though. Personal life that you might like to know. Things that come out of my mouth. Or rather, my fingers as I type. I thought that it would be too painful for us to be together when we can't even be on the same continent for most of the time. I couldn't handle it. Before that, some person at a bar on halloween told me that pain was part of life, or something. That it just came with everything.

Blast. It's 12:21am. #sleepy

I don't know what to say, really. I don't know why it's ok for me to sleep in a bed with a girl but not with a boy. By sleep I mean just sleep, not bone each other or whatever. Both in societal terms and in personal terms. Sorry I keep talking about this gender/gay thing all the time. 

I need to get on with my life and start doing things and making friends in london who will be actually here over the summer, because I have the feeling none of the people from uni will be here over the summer. And most of the friends I've made so far are from uni. Now I think making friends is hard because it's too much effort. I go somewhere and I say hi and we talk a bit, but we don't stay in communication. I find it hard to stay friends with someone, or a waste of effort to start making friends because they're not going to talk to me again after I talk to them for the first time. Philosophically, a few months ago, I got sick and sad of making friends, because what was the point if I wasn't going to be in the same place for a while? What was the point of making friends at leakycon, if in the end we're all still going to be living thousands of miles away from each other? Some person that I was friends with was being sore because I'm "never in sg anyway". I felt guilty for this. 

Good time to end as any. God every post I make is depressing.